Safe Little Thoughts
by Impalable
Summary: Luna Fox always knew her background wasn't as straight forward as people let on, so what happens when she find out who her father is? Jensen Ackles daughter fanfiction. I don't own anything apart from the plot, the writing, and my original characters. Enjoy! :)
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

* * *

It felt weird at first. The moment it happened it didn't feel real at all. It felt like a sensation with no strings attached. It was just a loud _bang_ and then all of a sudden I was flying through the air. Like, _really_ flying. Soaring through the skies. It felt amazing. It didn't feel like I was ever going to land. But then I did and all the things I should've felt hit me like a tonne of bricks. Everything hurt. My head especially. I tried to sit up but a barrage of hands stopped me.

"It's okay, dear. Just stay there. The ambulance will be here soon." A fragile old lady with thick glasses and wrinkled features instructed. Ambulance? I didn't feel _that_ bad. I ignored what everyone was saying and sat up anyway. Big mistake. My whole world was spinning and it made my head hurt even more.

"Okay, lay back down. You must be suffering from shock." A middle-aged lady with a sharp nose and chin with a skinny face and body told me. They helped me back down and I waited patiently for the ambulance to arrive.

I remember everything with such clarity. The narrow road with the truck heading towards us. The bright headlights beaming into my eyes in contrast to the dimly lit lane my mum was driving in. The horns honking and then the crash.

"Mum!" I suddenly exclaimed.

"It's okay, dear. The ambulance is coming." The old lady said. A group of women were in the corner of my vision gossiping, saying that we can't have been wearing our seatbelts. I doubt that was true. But it could've been. I mean, I was so preoccupied with that stupid fight. Suddenly a piercing siren and bright flashing lights came thundering towards me. A busy sound invaded my ears until all I could hear were the paramedics.

"Hello love. What's your name?" The woman asked as the man started checking me for any injuries other than the obvious ones he could see.

"Luna Fox." I answered.

"And how old are you?" She asked.

"Seventeen. Where's my mum? I want my mum." I answered, trying not to cry. She looked at her co-worker awkwardly.

"Let's take you to the hospital, okay?" She said. The paramedics got me on a stretcher and into the ambulance before I was whisked away to the hospital. I was wheeled in to the big, white, pristine building. I was put under sedation practically as soon as I was in so I don't remember much more after that.

When I woke up everything seemed so bright. It felt like I was having a staring contest with the sun itself. When everything went back into focus, I realised I was alone in the hospital room. I looked around for the button to alert the nurses. Once I found it I hit it as hard as I could considering I felt really weak at the moment. A nurse came strolling in really casually and went to check everything.

"Hello Luna. How are you feeling?" She asked. I almost wanted to throttle the woman. How did she think I was feeling?

"Confused. Where's my mum?" I asked. She looked uncomfortable at that question. Why was everyone avoiding it?

"Someone's going to come in soon to talk to you about everything. I'm just here to check that _you're_ okay." She answered. I felt content enough with that answer, but I was worried sick. Is she okay? A psychologist came in along with my doctor. The nurse left and then it was just us three.

"So, where's my mum?" I asked. The doctor sighed and sat down on the chair. The psychologist bowed her head in what I can only assume was dread.

"I'm afraid she suffered from major blood loss. She passed away almost immediately." She answered. I shook my head, no matter how much it hurt.

"No. There's no way she died and I didn't. There's no way!" I shouted.

"I understand that this is an extremely difficult time for you, but your grandparents are on their way." The doctor told me.

"You don't understand. There must be some mistake. We were both in that car. I can't be the only one who survived!" I exclaimed with tears in my eyes.

"There were some tests on the car. Your seatbelt was faulty. In a way it was lucky you were thrown from the car. Otherwise you would probably have died too." The doctor explained. I was in hysterical crying mode now. This can't be real, surely. They stayed with me until Gran and Grandpa came in the door. Their eyes were also raw from crying.

"Oh, look at you!" Gran sniffled before giving me a hug.

"No one should have to suffer through this." Grandpa said from the doorway.

"We'll leave you for a bit." The psychologist said. She and the doctor left the room.

"This is just some sick joke, right? I mean, mum... she can't be _dead_." I said, trying to hold back even more tears.

"We had to confirm that was her body, sweetheart. This is all too real." Grandpa said. He sat down on the chair next to the one Gran was sitting on and sighed in what could only be described as defeat.

"Listen, there's something else we need to discuss, and we should probably do it soon before anything else disrupts us." Gran said. I would've rather stuck pins in my eyes than have to handle even more bad news, but they're my grandparents and I felt like I had to listen to them. They've been there my whole life.

"What is it?" I asked curiously.

"Well, we never thought we'd _have_ to have this conversation, but now your mother's gone, it made us realise that we're not going to be around forever to look after you." Grandpa explained.

"Oh." I breathed out. "Well that's okay. I'm nearly eighteen anyway. I'm sure that..." I started.

"Sweetheart, you don't understand how tough the real world is. You've never been able to cope with having a real job. You're so hell-bent on becoming a singer that you don't even want to think about having a serious career. We're fine with that, but we wouldn't be able to support you. Especially when we're not around anymore." Grandpa said.

"So then where will I go?" I asked. Gran exhaled and ghosted her hand over mine in an attempt to prevent me breaking down even more.

"We're thinking it's time you met your father." She told me. My eyes widened and my heart started beating in my chest.

"What do you mean? No one knows who he is. You guys told me that he was just a stupid mistake that happened one time." I spoke. They looked at each other awkwardly. It just made me realise what a stupid mistake _I_ made. Why did I ever believe that? It was all just a lie. "Okay, who is he really?" I asked angrily.

"Well, your mother and father were in a serious relationship. They were very much in love. The only problem was that he was moving back to his home country in America. He didn't _want_ to. It's just that his parents had to move back there for work and he couldn't bear to split up from his family." Grandpa said.

"Your mother was so angry at that time. Bearing in mind she was only twenty then, she didn't understand why these bad things kept happening to her. First it was the dog passing away, then it was my father's cancer. Stuff just kept coming up and she was angry at the world. So when she found out she was pregnant with you she went straight away to tell your father." Gran told me.

"The only problem was that day they started packing and he already booked his tickets and found a place to live. Well, your mother just completely reached breaking point. So she left him. With no explanation." Grandpa said. I started to piece things together.

"So I'm assuming he hated her?" I asked.

Gran nodded her head and answered. "Once you were born she realised how stupid she'd been. She tried to call him but he didn't pick up. But it's been years since then, and we were thinking that now would be the right time to try and contact him, if that's alright with you."

I wanted to say no. My whole body was practically leaning towards that answer. But I felt bad for them and a little curious about my father. What was his name? What did he look like? Was I like him at all? These questions kept swirling about in my mind. So I decided on yes.

"Okay." I resigned.

"Oh sweetheart. You're such a good girl." Gran said, standing up to give me a hug. She then walked out of the door in order to try and contact my dad. My grandpa was still sitting where he was and was looking a bit down.

"Are you okay, gramps?" I asked. He nodded his head.

"Well, considering the circumstances, I'm doing okay. I'm sorry we didn't tell you sooner. It's just that your mum didn't ever want you finding out." He explained. I nodded my head.

"I know. But if this guy hated my mum, that makes him an asshole, and if he's an asshole, why do I need to live with him?" I asked. He looked sad.

"Sweetie, you know that's not true. Plus, he wasn't a bad guy. He just thought your mother hated him. It must've hurt him like hell. He loved your mother." He said to me.

"Just not enough to stick around." I told him.

"Listen, if he's the same kind of person as he was seventeen years ago, then you can trust him." He said. I nodded my head but looked down. My eyes were brimming with tears again. How could anyone cope with this kind of situation?

"Does this mean I have to move to America?" I asked. He nodded his head sadly.

"Unfortunately sweetheart, if he still lives there, that's where you'll be going." He told me.

A couple of doctors came in to do some necessary check-ups on me. I did what they told me to and kind of zoned out. I was just so drained and tired that I fell asleep soon after. I woke up for a short amount of time. I didn't even bother opening my eyes. I heard a teeny bit of my grandparent's conversation saying that my father's parents live at that address and they passed Gran onto him or something. I don't really remember that well. When I properly woke up, they weren't there. I think visiting hours were over or something. But it was light out and when I checked the clock on the wall it seemed quite early in the morning, so I'm assuming they're going to come back soon. I checked my arms and all the drips were out, so I decided to get up and go to the bathroom.

Once I finished, I started looking around my room. It was filled with stuff. The bed took up most of the room, but there were chairs, medical equipment, and god-awful paintings that were hung up to make the room seem more homely, but it just felt so empty to me. Usually mum would always fill the room with life and laughter. I guess that's over now. There will never be a room that won't seem empty to me now. And all I can keep thinking about is the stupid fight I had with her just before it all happened. It was so petty now that I look back on it.

It was about this show, Supernatural. I was desperate to go to the convention. Jensen Ackles, Jared Padalecki, and Misha Collins, the stars of the show, would be there. As well as other members of the cast. It was so local and I saved enough money to go over the years, but when I asked her she was totally against it. Don't get me wrong, it was odd, but I could have gotten over not getting to meet a couple of famous actors. I won't ever get over having a dead mother. I just don't know why she was so hell-bent that I didn't go. She even got slightly annoyed when I started watching the show, but I guess she didn't mind so much after she found out I'd already seen a couple of episodes.

After breaking my train of thoughts to a halt, I decided I should look at myself in the mirror. I had so many cuts and scratches on my face and around my arms. It was awful. I had bruises everywhere. Through my one fully open eye I could see what my mum used to call "gorgeous green eyes." She used to say that my eyes are the first ones she fell in love with. I used to find that weird because, how could she fall in love with a pair of eyes? Especially mine. Apart from them being green, I didn't see what was so special about them. As I grew up I thought that maybe it was because she fell in love with my eyes. That made me feel special. But what if she wasn't talking about my eyes in particular. What if she was talking about my father's eyes? After all, hers were brown. I had to get the green colour from _somewhere_.

I couldn't bear to look at them now anyway. I just wanted to go back to my bed at home. Maybe it would fill me with the kind of familiarity that I needed right now. However, right now all I could hope to settle for is this lumpy hospital mattress. I crawled back under the covers, wincing at every slight movement that caused me pain. I decided to turn on the TV, but all that was on was the news, and it was all the usual boring stuff. Some dreadful wars going on, traffic piling up on a motorway somewhere, a silver lining story where everything seemed okay for a second, the prime minister announcing some sort of crazy new idea that might make the country better but it won't, and meteorologists who are all liars living in a fantasy world about what the weather will be tomorrow. It's all boring. Just as the news segment was finishing up, my grandparents came in.

"Good morning sweetheart. How are you feeling?" Gran asked, giving me a peck on the cheek with my grandpa following suit. I shrugged.

"Okay I guess. Everything hurts still, but it's getting better I suppose." I said, focusing my eyes back to the TV for a minute.

"Darling, would you turn off the television for a minute? We have something we'd like to talk to you about." Gran said. I switched the TV off with the remote and laid my eyes on Gran and grandpa.

"Well darling heart; we've managed to get in touch with your father. He's in the waiting room right now in fact." Grandpa said. My eyes widened and my heart felt like it was beating in my chest, climbing up my throat and trying to escape through my ears.

"The important part is; you don't have to meet him today if you don't want to. I know how overwhelming this must be. However, he's very excited to meet you. He just wishes the circumstances were better." Gran said.

"When did he get here?" I asked.

"Well, you were asleep for ages yesterday. We got in contact with him almost as soon as you fell asleep, and he was on the first plane here." She answered. I nodded my head and looked down. I was nervous as hell. My palms were sweating a river; I couldn't keep my eyes focussed on one place; and to top it all off I looked a mess which made me feel even worse. Surely he couldn't want me with my hair all frizzy and I look all scratched up. However, I decided it was better now than later. I'd keep putting it off otherwise.

"Okay. You can bring him in." I said. I took small sips of water as my Gran went out the door to get him.

"Don't worry, sweetheart. I promise you that he's a good person. Give him a chance, and I know you'll get on." Grandpa told me. I nodded my head.

"I'll try. I promise." I said. I never break my promises. I heard footsteps coming nearer the room. My chest was tightening and I felt like I couldn't open my eyes every time I blinked them close, but when the door opened, I couldn't tear my eyes away.

The scruffy beard and light brown hair weren't an easy combination to miss. His dress sense was as familiar as I've ever known it to be. Suddenly everything was adding up. My father was Jensen Ackles. Now I need to see what more questions this raises.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

* * *

Gran and Grandpa left a while ago to get some lunch. It was just me and Jensen, and it was the most awkward thing I've ever experienced. I couldn't even bear to look at him. He may not have known it, but he's still the man that abandoned me. He coughed uneasily to get my attention. I looked at him briefly and then became increasingly interested in the familiarity of my hands.

"I uh... I got you flowers. I don't know what flowers you liked, but I got your mum's favourite. Hyacinths." He said. I gave him a death glare then started looking angrily at the wall. He fumbled about for the flowers and held them out for me. I scoffed, took the flowers, and shoved them in the bin next to me. He looked down sadly and sighed. "Okay, maybe I deserved that."

"Mum always _hated_ those flowers. Now I know why." I pointed out. He rubbed his eyes in defeat.

"You really hate me, don't you?" He asked.

"I looked up to you." I exhaled in disbelief, now looking at him. "Now all I can see is the man that didn't give my mum the benefit of the doubt. All I can see is some dick who abandoned my mum when she was at the most vulnerable."

"I get that. I do. But _she_ was the one who walked out on _me._ Not the other way around. You should've been there for the last time we saw each other. All those times she called, I thought she was going to scream at me for something that I didn't even do." He said calmly.

"But you could've heard her out." I told him, as if I were begging for him to understand.

"I know." He admitted.

"And the worst part is that she couldn't have meant that much to you. You seemed to move on really easily with your career, and now you're married and have a kid you love. You don't even _need_ me." I said, with tears cascading down my cheeks.

"That's where you're completely one hundred percent wrong. I didn't move on easily. It killed me. I thought I would never get better. I _had_ to act because it was the only thing that kept me sane. It's the only thing where I could pretend to be someone I'm not, even if it was for a second. And yes, maybe I have a wife who I love just as much as your mother, and yes, maybe I have a beautiful little girl with her, but I had one with your mother too. I just didn't know that. Luna, you can be in love with more than one person in your lifetime. As long as they don't overlap, that's okay. Please don't think for one second that I don't need you in my life. I've already lost 17 years of it. I can't lose any more." He said. I wiped some tears away and sniffed.

"How the hell am I supposed to believe you?" I mumbled.

"I don't know. But if you give me a shot I'm sure you'll believe me eventually. Luna, I would _never_ in a million years hurt you intentionally. You gotta believe that." He said. I subtly shrugged and looked away again. It was uncomfortably quiet until the doctor walked in about half an hour later.

"Miss Fox, you're free to go." He said. I nodded my head. I was already dressed, and I just wanted to get out of this room. I instantly got out of bed after the doctor explained to me and Jensen the exercises I had to do and then I stormed out of there with him on my heel. We met up with my grandparents in the hospital cafe. They looked up at me with sadness in their eyes. I guess the death of my mother was finally catching up with them. For me though, it's all I've been able to think about. Well, _that_ and Jensen.

I sat down opposite my Gran and Jensen sat next to me, sitting opposite Grandpa. He obviously felt the unnecessary need to speak up. "How are you two holding up?" He asked. I wanted to square him right in the jaw. I'm so sick of that question popping up everywhere I go.

"Well, we're managing. I just... I can't believe-" Gran started before getting a little choked up.

"It's okay, Gran. She wouldn't have wanted you to be upset. Not you. She always loved how strong and put together we were. The proper women of the family." I said, laying my hand over hers gently, a small gesture that all of us do in our family. Jensen seemed to look at our hands and smiled sadly. I didn't say anything though. He wasn't worth my time. I just can't help shake the feeling that he _shouldn't_ feel sad. He had no right to.

"I know. I'm just being silly." Gran said. Jensen shook his head.

"You're not being silly. You're in grief, Pearl." Jensen said. What the _hell_ gave him the _right_ to call her by her first name? Wasn't that just disrespectful? Gran didn't seem to think so...

"Oh, you're such a good boy Jensen. I've got to say, you grew up into such a lovely man." She said. I stood up, rather abruptly.

"Can I go outside, Gran? I need a bit of fresh air." I requested. She nodded her head with a sad smile on her face. I knew they were gonna talk about me while I was gone. Honestly, I was expecting it. I just needed to get out of that stupid hospital. I needed to get away from Jensen.

I turned on my heel and walked out the glass doors. There was a bench outside where loads of nurses and doctors sat when they were taking a break. I saw them a couple of times outside my window. Some of them even smoke. Pretty ironic considering the location of the place. Weren't there rules against that? Wouldn't they know first-hand what smoking does to you? I went and sat down on the wooden seat and tugged at my sleeves. It was a habit I did when I was nervous or upset. But right now, mainly I was just fuming mad.

I remember one time my mum told me that as a really young kid – so young that I didn't even remember this – that when I was angry I used to hold my breath until I went red at the face and blue at the lips. I was mainly angry because things didn't go my way. I'm wondering now if one of those times was because I wanted to see _daddy_. If only I knew back then how much I _didn't_ want that.

And it's not even like Jensen's a bad guy, you know? It's just that he was everything I didn't want when I was growing up alive and in the flesh. And I didn't want him when he didn't turn up to my singing recitals, or when he didn't turn up to my parents evening. He never sent me a stupid card for my birthday or even a phone call when I got my first A in my exams. He was never there. And who knows? Maybe if he was there at that parent's evening a couple of nights ago, maybe none of this would ever have happened.

I was out there for a good fifteen minutes until I heard some hospital staff grumble. I knew they wanted their bench, so I rolled my eyes and got up. I walked inside the hospital again to see Jensen smiling at something Grandpa was telling him. I hate this. I hate all of it. I sauntered up to them.

"And that's when she let out the most ear-piercing scream in the middle of her assembly." He explained. I couldn't remember what the hell it was that he was talking about. Frankly, I didn't care. I just wanted to leave the hospital. As if reading my mind, Gran suggested we did exactly that.

"Okay, sweetie, you go in Jensen's car and we'll meet you back at our place." Grandpa said.

"Seriously?" I asked angrily.

"What's the matter?" Gran asked in shock, a little taken aback at my sudden outburst.

"I've just been in a car accident that killed my mother. I don't exactly want to go in a car with someone I barely know and haven't seen drive before." I said with tears in my eyes. Okay, I might be sounding completely and totally spoilt, but I _really_ didn't want to be in a car with him.

"Honey, you're going to get in a car with him eventually anyway." Gran said. _Good point._ I thought. "Besides, when he was learning to drive, he was so safe. Safer than that guy in the show you like." She continued. I didn't even wanna _know_ what show she was talking about in case it was Supernatural. But if that was the case, then he'd _better_ be a safer driver than Dean.

I grudgingly got in the car with him and we drove to my grandparent's house. It was more awkward than it was unsafe, but I'd still rather be with my grandparents. Actually, thinking about it – I'd rather I was in the morgue with my mother. _No_. I couldn't think like that. Mum would go mental. She'd probably say something like _"Luna Genesis Fox, how_ dare _you say something like that? Now, you go and live the best life you can possibly live and excel in everything you do or I will come back and I will haunt you."_ The thought of that actually made me muster a smile. It quickly faded when I noticed Jensen turning to look at me.

"You look just like her, you know." Jensen pointed out. I rolled my eyes. I _really_ didn't want to have this conversation. "Especially your smile." He added. _Crap_. I thought. Why did he have to see me smile? It's the last thing I need. Besides, he'd probably think about how horrible I am to smile at a time like this.

"Okay." I said tersely. I literally wanted the ground to swallow me whole. I didn't want to have a conversation with him about my looks. I didn't want him to see my eyes and say that I have the best eyes in the world. I don't want him congratulating each strand of hair I have for being on my head. I just don't. I wish I had nothing to do with him.

Jensen turned into our road. He seemed so familiar with it but it was _my_ home. Each leaf on a tree has a different memory for me. _Huh,_ I thought. _That could be a good lyric._ Maybe writing some songs when I got in would help me calm down. "Wow. I haven't been here in so long." Jensen said, snapping me out of my thoughts. He pointed at the tree outside my grandparent's house as we parked. "We carved our initials on that tree one time. It was so cheesy, but we were kind of a cheesy couple. I wonder if it's still there." He continued. I wanted nothing more than to drown him out, but how could I? His constant yapping and awaiting my approval was doing my head in. I got out of the rental car and made my way to the door. I turned around to see Jensen staring at the tree. He looked as though he was about to cry. Well, good. I couldn't stand the guy. But how dare he mourn for _my_ mother?

I walked in and saw my grandparent's chatting. They acknowledged me, sure, but they were so lost in their conversation that they probably couldn't talk to me. I feel like I'm losing everybody. I went to the room I've stayed in since I was a little girl. It was practically my second room. I came here all the time as a kid. It overlooked the street, and I still saw Jensen standing by the tree from outside the window. He kissed his fingers and then traced the carving. _JA+PF_. Jensen Ackles and Phoenix Fox. I suppose it's best not to think about how they met and when they carved that, but nonetheless I was still curious.

I sat down on my bed and got out my notebook. It contained heaps and heaps of songs I had since I was around 13. The pages were a bit worn and I even ripped a couple out over the years. I smiled at the memory of when my mum gave it to me. It was for my birthday, and even though it's just a notebook you could get at any shop, it meant a lot to me. She bought some amazing pens to go with it, and a guitar. I was so happy. I flipped to a spare piece of paper on the notebook and started writing.

 _When I was a kid, an angel came to me,_

 _He said "Where you going? If only you could see."_

 _My whole world was torn in two,_

 _I had a distorted point of view_

 _But that won't matter, because you'll be here soon._

 _Little girl you'll be okay,_

 _Those asphalt tears will fade away,_

 _Just because rain seems like tiny tears to me,_

 _It doesn't matter – 'cause one day happy's what you'll be._

I stopped writing at that point seeing as Jensen walked in. I felt so self-conscious about doing anything in front of him. I flipped my notebook shut and put it in its usual spot – and of course, Jensen asked me questions about it. "What's that?" He asked.

"None of your business." I snapped. It was one of my only possessions I was insanely protective over. There was no way I would _ever_ let him know about it. He'd probably fondle it like he fondled the tree. He looked kind of hurt, but it still didn't affect me. I just didn't care. He seemed to divert his gaze to my guitar. It was made of painted and varnished blue wood and it had stickers all over it. It was a mix between an acoustic and electric guitar. I loved it with all my heart.

"Wow. Cool guitar. I have one of my own." He commented. I rolled my eyes.

"What are you even doing in my room?" I asked. He cleared his throat.

"Pearl and Nick told me that we were sharing." He answered. _Perfect._ This is going to be as good as Hitler sharing a room with Martin Luther King Jr. I forgot that this was a 2-bedroom house. Usually I shared this room with my mum. I never really thought I'd ever be sharing a room with Jensen Ackles. I really wish I never had to. He was about to sit on mum's bed. I widened my eyes.

"No!" I suddenly exclaimed.

"What is it?" He asked.

"You can have the one closest to the door. _I'll_ have the one by the window." I said. If anyone was going to be on mum's bed tonight, it would be me. He doesn't deserve the pleasure. He looked at me a bit weirdly at that.

"I thought that was your bed." He said, pointing to the one closest to the door. I shrugged.

"It is. But I want mum's bed right now." I said casually. He sat down on my bed – which I hated – and sighed.

"Sweetie-" He began.

" _Don't_ call me that." I said, sticking my pointer finger in his direction. He sighed, looked down, and then licked his lips in which I could only assume was an attempt to keep himself in line.

"Luna," He corrected. "I just think that your mum wouldn't have wanted this. I don't think she would've wanted you to sleep on her bed to cheer you up. I don't think she would've even wanted you to be upset, as difficult as that may seem, and I don't think she would've wanted you to resent anyone." He said. I rolled my eyes.

"You're unbelievable. She spent seventeen _years_ trying to keep us apart. She resented you herself. She resented the man who made her so unhappy. Who couldn't even be a father to his children. Why should I suddenly forgive you for all the years of abandonment?" I asked. My eyes were already glistening with tears again. I couldn't even see him. All I could see were shapes and colours blurred by the salty water filling my eyes. I could just feel his eyes on me.

"If I knew…," He started. I could hear his voice breaking. "I never would have left."

"But you did. You did and you left me and my mum all on our own. Do you know how badly you hurt her? I didn't even know you were _real_ until after she passed away." I bit at him. After the stinging tears fell from my eyes I could see the confused and hurt look on his face.

"What do you mean?" He asked.

"My grandparents had to tell me the truth. My mum said that whoever my dad was – he was just a drunken mistake. But you know what's ironic? It's _me_ who's the mistake. If I never existed none of this would ever have happened." I answered with venom dripping off my tongue. I stormed out of the room, went downstairs, took my jacket I always kept here for when my mum was busy working night shifts, and left the house. I didn't really know where I was going. I just knew that I needed a bit of a break from everyone. I was getting pretty sick and tired of Jensen – and I was sick of my grandparents sticking up for him all the time. My dark hair swished behind me in the breeze as I made my way around a corner. I literally bumped into someone I was so out of it. I looked up to see who the body I bumped into belonged to.

"Luna, what's up?" Kyle, the owner of the local coffee shop asked. He was around my age – maybe a little older – and he let me play there when I was desperate for the cash. Once he saw my face, he looked at me sadly.

"Not much." I lied. My eyes were red and my cheeks were tear-stained, never mind all the bruises and cuts and scratches inhabiting my face and arms. He could see past the bull shit like it was a damn window.

"Listen, I was just about to set up for someone's set tonight. You wanna come?" He asked. I nodded my head and wiped a stray tear off my face. As we began walking, he started talking again. "You sure you don't wanna open up to me? I fill your mouth with coffee. You might as well empty the words." He said. A strange analogy, sure, but I scoffed and started spilling a bit of the truth.

"It's just that my whole life sucks and then this happens," I say, gesturing to my face. "and I think things have to get better, but right now it's a mess. I met my dad." I told him. We don't know much about each other. We're just on a first name basis. But he sucked in some air sympathetically.

"Did he do that to you?" He asked. I shook my head.

"No. The worst part is that he's actually a decent guy. Just… it would be so much easier if he wasn't." I said. When we got to the coffee shop, I helped set up the instruments. That was something I was good at when I couldn't pick things up.

Maybe right now, music is my only friend. But that's okay. With music, I can always make new ones. And maybe that's exactly what I needed to do.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

* * *

"So, you ever gonna tell me what happened?" Kyle asked, pointing at my scratched up face. I shrugged. The coffee place was full of its regular Saturday night customers, and some people who I've never seen before in my life. Seeing as this is almost smack down in the middle of London, I'm guessing hipster tourists. The musician was playing his guitar and singing along to whatever tune he decided to copy. It wasn't great, but it wasn't bad either. It just was.

"It's a really long and harrowing story." I answered. I looked down at my twiddling thumbs, getting increasingly more uncomfortable by the second.

"We all have one of those. Mine is when my pet rabbit ran away. Scarred me for life when we found its body. So now you have to tell me yours." He said. In all my life, I've never known Kyle to be so demanding. It was really starting to piss me off.

"Look, can you just drop it? I really don't wanna talk about it." I said politely. He just sighed in defeat and went back to cleaning his mugs.

I was getting more and more agitated each second I was here. I abruptly leapt off the stool and walked out the door. Kyle obviously saw me, because about a minute later I heard his voice from right behind me. Usually I would get scared being in an alleyway alone with a strange man. But this was _Kyle_. He wouldn't hurt me… right?

"I'm not gonna beg you to tell me what happened, alright? Just checking in on you." He said.

"Yeah? Well don't. I don't want people checking in on me to see if I'm okay. Oh – and for the record – I'm not sure I'll be coming back to the shop." I said. He looked down, let out a small flippant breath of laughter, and stalked towards me.

"You know what that means, right?" He asked cockily. I gulped in fear as he came towards me.

"What are you on today, Kyle?"

Flagrantly ignoring my question, he grabbed onto my wrists and pinned me to the wall. "It means you have to pay me back for all the times I let you play your shit songs at my place. God. You almost drove the place out – but I did it just for this moment." He said. I was scared stiff. He was about to place his disgusting smelling lips onto my own when I heard footsteps running towards us. My eyes were squeezed shut so I didn't see him at first, but all of a sudden the grip on my wrists loosened and then let go of me completely.

"Get off her you asshole!" The unmistakeable voice of Jensen rang through the alleyway. I opened my eyes and saw Kyle curled up in a ball cradling his bleeding face. Jensen bent down so he was face to face with me and put his hand on my shoulder. What is it with weirdos touching me? I shrugged it off and stormed out of the alleyway. I hate this. I hate everything. Ever since this happened everything's been changing – everyone's been changing too. I heard footsteps following me. I wasn't scared because I knew it was Jensen, but I wasn't thrilled about it either.

"Luna!" He shouted. I groaned and turned around.

"What?" I screamed back.

"What _was_ that? Are you hurt?" He asked.

"Look, what happened, happened. There's nothing you or anyone else can do to make me feel better right now – unless perhaps they figured out a way to bring the dead back to life. I just want someone who cares enough." I snapped.

"What are you talking about? I care enough." He said matter-of-factly. I scoffed.

"No you don't! All you care about is your precious ego. You care about being liked and your stupid reputation. I just want to skip this bit." I said, continuing to walk on.

"Skip what bit? Oh – and for the record, I don't have a precious ego. I have a precious seventeen-year-old daughter." He said, catching up to me. I rolled my eyes.

"Okay, I'm choosing to ignore your absolutely bullshit comment and go back to your question. I mean that I want to skip the part where I grieve. Okay? I want to skip the funeral, I want to skip until I'm old enough and successful enough to live all on my own. That's what I want." I argued with him. We argued all the way until we got home. And it went on through the night. Me getting angry and him trying to reason with me. It was so annoying and horrible.

"Luna, stop this at once!" Gran spoke to me.

"Me? Me stop this? I'm not the one who chose any of this. I'm not the one who even _wanted_ any of this. And I'm sick of you guys backing him up with everything. I'm sick of him acting like a bodyguard instead of a fucking father!" I shouted with finality. Nobody said anything for a good few seconds. It turned really awkward in the dining room.

After feeling a little queasy at the thought of everyone in the room ganging up on me, I pushed my chair out of the table and stormed upstairs. I slammed my door shut and started bawling my eyes out on mum's bed. I hugged her pillows for comfort, her rose scent wafting up my nostrils. It was almost as if she was there. Except not. It felt like a weird replica of mum. It didn't feel right at all. After sobbing myself to sleep I woke up to the sound of Jensen's snoring comparing to the sound of the birds chirping outside. It's weird. My mum always used to get woken up by _my_ snoring.

I carefully got out of bed so he wouldn't wake up. Not because I cared about whether or not he had a rude awakening. It was because I couldn't be bothered with him. I silently crept to the bathroom without making too much noise. The floors creaking almost disturbed him but luckily he didn't wake up. I looked at myself in the mirror. My bad eye looked even worse after all the crying. Both of them looked red raw and swollen. My cheeks were tearstained and my lips were cracked and dry. _God._ I thought. _Why did it have to be her?_

Once I did my usual morning routine, I went downstairs wearing the same pyjamas I did last night. Nobody was awake so I checked the clock. 4:34 – I must have slept really early. I turned on the TV quietly just so it was on in the background. I used to do things like that when I had a cold or something. Mum would always come down to find me huddled under the duvet paying close attention to the quiet TV. She'd smile at me and say how lucky I am to live in the century of modern technology. Then I'd groan in acknowledgement because I felt like a zombie. And she'd check my temperature, get me some medicine, and she'd lay her hand over mine and watch TV with me before she went to work. Then we'd go back home after she finished those nights and we'd stay there until I got better. Sure, we spent a lot of time at Gran and Grandpa's, but the nights we spent at our home felt even better. But now I won't even have that option.

I wonder what's going to happen to the flat; will they sell it for funeral costs or keep it for a while? I don't know. To be honest, I don't even want to think about it. By now everyone else will have probably made decisions on my behalf. I hate that. To the world, she may have been one person, but to one person; she was the world.

I heard footsteps coming downstairs a couple of hours later. When the door opened I turned to see Gran. She was in her nighty and slippers and she was carrying a glass of water. Once she saw me, she gently placed it on the table and sat next to me. She placed her hand over mine, smiled sadly at me, and began to speak.

"What was that all about yesterday?" She asked. She wasn't being judgmental or condescending, she just genuinely wanted to know.

"I'm furious. I'm furious at him, I'm furious at this whole situation. I just want it all to stop." I told her. She furrowed her eyebrows in confusion.

"I understand that you're furious at what's happened, but why are you furious with Jensen?" She asked.

"Because he was never there. And now he is and he's acting like he's the best thing that's happened to this family and it's just not true. He's like tinnitus. You know? I mean it's nothing but it constantly bugs you." I answered.

She sighed, and then shook her head. "Do you know how your mother and father met?" Every bone in my body wanted to scream at her not to call him my father, but I resisted the urge. I just shrugged moodily. "Well, Jensen was the new foreign boy, so everyone either wanted him or wanted to be him. Your mother was one of them, but she was incredibly shy. Jensen actually liked that she wasn't constantly talking to him, so he approached her and asked if he could get to know her outside of school. She agreed, of course. He came here that evening and he kept fumbling and making an embarrassment of himself, which she loved about him even more. They hung out a few times after that until your mother got sick of him not asking her out, so she asked him if he ever would. He was taken aback and did it right then." She told me with a fond smile on her face.

"But if they loved each other so much, how come it didn't work out?" I asked. "I could've had a dad who loved us both but I didn't." I said with such pain in my voice. How was it possible for one person to come in your life like a hurricane and wreck everything you've ever known?

"He loved you. He just didn't know he had you to love." Gran said. I nodded my head.

The funeral was a few days after that conversation. Things were still pretty awkward between me and Jensen. I was moving right after the funeral. I'd already packed everything I needed immediately from mum's flat and Gran and Grandpa's house. Everything else would be shipped later. Right now I was waiting to be introduced to the coffin where I would be told to sing a song for her. It was all I could do. All mum's friends, both from and outside of her school were there. Everyone was commenting about Jensen. It was surreal. And everyone was hugging me like they knew me and what I was going through, but nobody did. I didn't even want to have a big funeral for her. She probably didn't even fondly know half the people that showed up.

"…And now, her lovely daughter, Luna Fox, will sing a song for her." The pastor said. I went to the coffin and laid the lyrics on the podium. I opened my mouth and began singing.

"Make it a sweet, sweet goodbye - it could be for the last time and it's not right.  
'Don't let yourself get in over your head,' he said.  
Alone and far from home we'll find you

Dead like a candle you burned out;  
Spill the wax over the spaces left in place of angry words.  
Scream to be heard, like you needed any more attention;  
Throw the bottle, break the door, and disappear.

Sing me to sleep, I'll see you in my dreams, waiting to say, 'I miss you. I'm so sorry.'  
Forever's never seemed so long as when you're not around it's like a piece of me is missing.  
I could have learned so much from you but what's left now?  
Don't you realize you brought this family a world of pain?  
Can't you see there could have been a happy ending we let go?

Sing me to sleep, I'll see you in my dreams, waiting to say, 'I miss you. I'm so sorry.'"

A tear trickled down my face. I almost collapsed on my knees and started sobbing. I was hugging the coffin. I didn't know what else to do. I could feel everyone in the room staring at me in sadness. Jensen came up to me and tried to pull me off, which he almost succeeded in doing, but I used all my weight against him to hug it one more time. Jensen then successfully pulled me off. I ran out of the room in tears. How the hell am I going to manage never seeing her again? Why should that be my last memory of her face? All pale from blood loss and stitched up. A few minutes later, Jensen came outside. I was curled up in a chair with eyes dripping from my eyes.

"They're about to cremate her. Do you wanna come in?" He asked. I shook my head. He sat down with me. He wrapped his arms around me. I didn't hug him back. Not at all. But for the first time since I've known him I hadn't pulled away or made some rude remark about him. I just felt completely and totally numb. "I guess I can stay out here too."

"I want her back." I sniffed. He nodded his head.

"I know. I wish I could magic her back. She was one of the most incredible women I've ever had the pleasure of knowing. But she lives on through you and everyone who's got the memory of her. And you know something else? Every time you look in the mirror, you should be proud to see her smiling back at you." He said.

"But it's not the same." I said. He shrugged.

"I don't know. You two were pretty similar. But we'll save that for another day. You're freezing." He said. He took off his jacket and wrapped it around me. I stayed like that for a while. When the service was over, me, Jensen, Gran and Grandpa went into a room on our own.

"Listen. I want you to have the best time in America. Call me whenever you need me." Grandpa said. I nodded my head and wiped away a solo tear. I gave him a hug as Jensen and Gran were chatting.

"I'm gonna miss you." I said. Grandpa shook his head.

"Well, we'll see you in the summer. That's only 5 months away. Do you think you can spend 5 months away from us? You used to really want that." He said. I stifled a giggle and nodded my head.

"I'll try." I said. After the most painful of goodbyes, Jensen and I were driven to the airport. All my luggage was checked and sent to the plane. I was allowed to get changed in the bathroom and then I came back out. I was wearing something really plain. I really didn't feel like dressing up to meet his family. I have nothing against them to be honest. Only Jensen. And even then I don't know why. I'm just way too depressed to be thinking about it like that.

It was a long flight; one I wish I didn't have to endure. There were screaming kids everywhere, a chatty person next to me, and someone kicking the back of my seat; but once we got there, I didn't really want to get off the plane. Something was keeping me glued to the seat until I absolutely had to leave. Jensen stood up and guided me off the plane. He must've done journey's like this for a long time.

Part of me kind of resented him for that. I don't know why, but I did. We got our luggage, and Jensen showed me his driver. Well, he was more of a bodyguard really. His name was Clif, and I didn't really know what to say when I was around him. He had a pretty intimidating look. Almost as though prison was his bitch – which of course it wasn't, or else he wouldn't be a body guard. But when he spoke to me he was actually really nice.

"Hey – I'm not even gonna ask how you're feelin'. I don't need to." He said before giving me a big bear hug. I hugged him back then smiled sadly at him.

"Thank you." I said. I know I didn't really need to thank him for anything specific. It's just that I needed that kind of comment. For someone to actually _know_ how I'm feeling rather than ask me about it. We climbed into the car, Jensen in the front and me in the back.

It wasn't the biggest drive to their house, but we finally made it. There were a couple of cars parked in the driveway. Both very expensive looking. Honestly, I don't know why they even have them if they have Clif, but I wasn't going to start questioning everything. I'm way too tired for that. Jensen unlocked the door and we walked in. Clif, following behind Jensen and I. Danneel, Jensen's wife, was up waiting. She looked at me and smiled with tears in her eyes.

"Hi there Luna. I'm so glad you're here." She said. I shrugged. I didn't know what to do with all this attention at such a low point in my life.

"Hi." I said simply. What else was I supposed to say? _I commend you on putting up with such an asshole for lo these many years?_ No. I wouldn't say that. I heard plodding footsteps coming into the room. A tired looking girl's eyes lit up once she saw the man next to me.

"Daddy!" She exclaimed, running up to him. He cradled her in his arms and started tickling her.

"Hey there JJ." He beamed. I got even more depressed looking at that. I never got that in my life. Tears started to well up in my eyes. Seeing this, Danneel took my hand and led me upstairs. She showed me a room with pretty plain decorations and a normal looking bed.

"Um, since this was such short notice I didn't prepare much, but I made the bed up with our spare bedding and I got you some tissues and plug adapters because I know that plugs are different in England." She said. I nodded my head, wiping tears away. "Um, you have your own bathroom which has soaps and shampoos and stuff in there – and we can go shopping for decorations and anything you want whenever you want. I want you to feel at home here. I know nothing can replace your old life, but I want to make your new one as comfortable for you as possible." She said. I really appreciated that.

"Thank you." I said. It was kind of awkward. I mean, this woman is my stepmum and I'm only _just_ meeting her. I never thought I'd have one in my life. And mum must've absolutely hated this woman, which makes me feel guilty. Because she's so nice and I actually like her.

"Do you want anything to eat? It was a long flight." She acknowledged. I shook my head.

"No thanks. I'm not hungry." I said.

"Okay. Do you want to go to bed?" She asked. I nodded my head. "That's fine. You just have a good night's sleep and we'll discuss more in the morning. You must be absolutely jaded. If you need anything, our room's opposite and to the left." She said before leaving and closing my door.

I got into my pyjamas, climbed into this different bed with an old mattress, and hugged the pillow for comfort. I cried myself to sleep for the umpteenth night in a row. I guess if I'm going to adjust to new things, it'd have to be as soon as possible.

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 **I just realised I never gave an A/N for this story on this website, so here goes:**

 **Review this story. Please? That's really important to me. It keeps me going. Especially if you like the story. I'd really really really love it! And for those who don't know me, long time reader, first time writer. For this site anyway. I post a lot of the same stories on my various accounts on the web, so look out for them. I decided I'd post this one on here first as a little taster to see what you guys think of it. I know this isn't strictly an SPN story, but it's the closest I could get to _actors of SPN_ so there we go. I hope you like this story so far. I've posted so many in such a short span of time because I had them already written, so the next chapter might be a way away unless you guys beg me for more. Haha. Anyway, as I said, review and stuff. I love you guys. Peace out or whatever it is you guys say to end these A/N's. :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

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Getting ready in a completely new environment was totally unsettling. I felt uncomfortable doing anything. Still, I threw on whatever I could find and trudged down the stairs. It wasn't uncommon for me to get up at one o'clock in the afternoon, so this wasn't too bad, but everyone else was already up so they all saw me come into the room which made things sufficiently awkward. JJ hid behind the couch where Jensen was sitting. Great. My own sister and she's _scared_ of me. This shouldn't be how things are at all. I looked at the ground. It seemed way more comfortable than it would be to sit near any of these people.

"Hi honey." Jensen greeted. I didn't reply. I didn't want to reply to him. I don't want him calling me any pet names. I don't even want to be here.

"Do you want any breakfast?" Danneel offered. I shrugged. I wasn't really in the mood for people offering me food that I probably don't even like. "We have cereals and toast." She said, trying to entice me.

"I'll just have some plain toast please." I mumbled. She nodded her head and went to fetch it for me. Jensen picked up JJ and introduced us.

"JJ, this is your big sister. Her name is Luna. I want you to be very nice to her, okay?" Jensen said. JJ nodded her head. It felt kind of awkward for me. Don't get me wrong, I love kids. I think they're adorable and cute to look at and the chubbier the better. But it's just I'm usually not around them that much. It's kind of strange that I'm suddenly going to be around one all the time.

"But I thought I was getting twins." JJ said matter-of-factly. Huh? Why would she think that? Jensen looked at me kind of awkwardly.

"Um, Danneel's pregnant. We haven't announced it yet. A boy and a girl." He told me. I nodded my head. "And you – cheeky monkey – you are getting twins. A baby sister and a baby brother. But now you have an older sister too." Jensen explained. JJ smiled and skipped to another side of the room as if the conversation had just ended. I guess for her it had. At that point Danneel came in with the toast. I started munching on it as I sat down on one of the seats.

"So, did you have a good sleep?" Danneel asked. I wasn't really sure. I couldn't make an accurate comment based on the fact that my sleep has gone all haywire since the night mum passed.

"I guess." I said.

"Well, whenever you want to go shopping, let us know. It should probably be after your stuff arrives because then we can accurately decide what you need." She said. I nodded my head as I swallowed the bite of dry toast I had in my mouth. I liked her, but I hated how maternal she was. In some ways she reminded me of mum. I hated that even more. Because it's _not_ her.

"Oh god!" Jensen suddenly exclaimed.

"What is it sweetie?" Danneel asked.

"Jared's coming around today." He said. Danneel's eyes widened.

"And you haven't told him about…?" She asked, but was cut short.

"Nope. Okay, Luna, my friend Jared's coming here today, and I haven't told him about you. I haven't told anyone apart from Clif and these two about you because, well, I didn't know if you wanted to tell anyone. Anyway, long story short, he's coming here and he doesn't know you exist. So what do you want to do?" He said. I rolled my eyes and placed my toast down. I abruptly got up and made my way to the front door. Jensen and Danneel began following me.

"What's wrong?" Jensen asked.

"What's wrong?" I repeated as though I couldn't quite believe he was asking me that. Just then Danneel opened the door. I didn't bother looking at who it was. I could tell by the tall shadow that it was Jared.

"Yes! Please, tell me." Jensen begged.

"What's wrong is that you're so ashamed of me that you don't even tell anyone about me except for the people who had to know. What's wrong is that you clearly only took me in because you felt guilty. What's wrong is that my mum's dead and nobody seems to care that she was my world." I cried. I stormed out of the house and slid past Jared who seemed to be very confused. Why wouldn't he be? He would have no idea who I was. Danneel was hot on my tail. I felt bad for making a pregnant woman run, so I stopped once I got to the end of the street.

"Men are dumb." She said simply.

"Really? That's your piece of sage advice at this time? 'Men are dumb.'?" I asked.

"Yep. Well, it's more of a statement really. Men are dumb. Especially when they mean no harm. When they start being horrible for the sake of being horrible, that's when they start to get sneaky and smart. That's why dumb men tend to be the best." She said. I shook my head.

"Unbelievable. Another Jensen supporter. You know something? It's not even the fact that he didn't tell people. I mean, I don't even want the press knowing about me. But to know that he wasn't even beaming about me to his best friend shows me how little he cares. I don't even want him to care really. I just want him to piss off. But even though I don't want him to care, I still feel like he should. Does that make sense?" I asked. She sat down on the short wall and rubbed her belly.

"Yeah. It does. But I can assure you he cares. A hell of a lot. He found out about you after a phone call woke us up from some random number. I told him not to answer it which he almost didn't, but he said something felt wrong. So he picked up the phone and started crying almost as soon as he heard your Gran's voice. I sat up in bed straight away. I was so worried that something bad happened. Which it did. But he wasn't just crying about your mother. He was crying because he finally discovered why it ended the way it did. Then he was shaking in bed for about 5 minutes as he explained everything he could to me, then he booked a ticket and immediately headed for the airport. God; he was nervous as hell. He just wants to make your life as perfect as he can." She explained.

"But my mum's dead. How can my life be even remotely close to perfect?" I asked.

"Because healing takes time. Just like getting used to Jensen will. But believe me, it'll happen." She said. I nodded my head. After a beat, she spoke again. "Ready to come back?" She asked. I nodded my head, clearly the farthest from ready I'll ever be, and got up, and started walking slowly. Danneel caught up with me and walked at my pace as well. We entered the house and saw Jensen sitting nervously whilst Jared laid his eyes on me. It felt like I was being examined.

"Oh thank god!" Jensen exclaimed. He ran up to me and gave me a hug, then he gave Danneel a peck on the lips. I felt a bit unsettled under Jared's gaze, so I looked down at the floor. "Um, okay clearly there needs to be an introduction. Jared, this is Luna, Luna, this is Jared."

I smiled at him quickly and nervously then Jared coughed awkwardly. Great. This is so not how I imagined meeting these people. I thought it'd be a quick 'hello' and then we'd be on our separate ways. But no. this was now my life. And I'm dreading every second of the rest of it. Jared came closer to me and smiled.

"This wasn't at all what I was expecting." He said light-heartedly. I shrugged.

"Yeah. You're not going to be the only person to feel that way, I guarantee it." I said as a slight insult to Jensen. What's weird is that I know how tall he is. Like, insanely tall. I just didn't feel like he was big. I just felt incredibly small. And besides that, everyone in the room felt awkward at my comment despite it being the truth. I supressed tears from falling and made my way into the lounge, trying desperately to ignore the attention everyone's giving me.

"So… what school do you go to?" Jared asked, coming into the room along with the others.

I shrugged. "None now."

"Well, that's actually something we need to talk about. You kind of have to go to a school. In fact, we need to find one as soon as we can. That's one of the many things we need to discuss today." Jensen said.

"Wait a minute; so my mother _just_ died and you're making me look into going to an American high school as soon as you can? I was unhappy enough at my old school, thanks." I said.

"Listen, if it's not the right school for you then sure we can change which one you go to. But apart from anything else it _is_ the law and it's only for another year anyway." Danneel said. Just then, JJ came into the room. I could tell she went to the kitchen because she looked like a snowman with all the flour over her. When she saw Jared, her eyes widened.

"Uncle Jared!" She exclaimed in joy. She ran up to him and he picked her up, a big trail of flour following her.

"Hey messy pup. Why do you have flour all over you?" He asked. She giggled.

"I was playing chef!" She said. "Where's Tom?"

"He's at home sweetie." Jared said.

"Can he come here?" JJ asked.

"Not today, sweetie." Jensen said.

"Come on, JJ. Time for a bath." Danneel said, taking her from Jared and consequently leaving the room.

"I don't know if this helps, but my mom's a teacher." Jared pointed out.

"True, but it's the middle of the semester. None of the good school's will be accepting students right now, will they?" Jensen asked out of curiosity.

"Listen, my mom's been there forever, and if anyone's trusted in that place, it's her. Besides, she can always put in a good word and find out if any other schools are accepting." He said. "I'll call her now."

"Thanks dude." Jensen said.

They both walked into the kitchen together, so I took that opportunity to truly explore the house. After all, the only things I've seen are my bedroom, the hallway, and the living room. I've seen the kitchen from outside, but I don't really want to go in there when Jensen and Jared are in there. It'd be too awkward. There were a couple of toilet rooms downstairs. Seemed a bit excessive to me, but I guess when you're rich and famous you can have whatever you like. There was a dining room that I saw as well, but then I saw something that I thought I liked. It didn't seem like anything special, but it was a little studio. There were a couple of guitars there and a piano. It was actually something I really loved. I picked up one of the guitars and sat down with it. I started strumming mindlessly, then decided I could sing one of the songs I made. The guitar sounded amazing in this room, so I wonder what it could do for my voice.

"No, I can't say it won't hurt anymore,

No, I can't say that it isn't the law.

I've been trying to keep you safe,

But everything just goes the wrong way.

Why, does it hurt for both you and for me?

Why, can't it already stop the heart beating?

We ain't connected, cut the strings,

We ain't connected through silly old things,

If life is a highway, we need to crash,

To stop the pain or else it will last,

'Cos even butterflies have their stings.

Yes, it was the hardest word,

Yes, I was as free as a bird,

I've been trying to stay away,

But everything in me begs me to stay,

Why, have you tried to leave?

Why, can't you see past my sleeves?

We ain't connected, cut the strings,

We ain't connected through silly old things,

If life is a highway, we need to crash,

To stop the pain or else it will last,

'Cos even butterflies have their stings.

Hey! Loving hurts,

But I guess it's better than hating the world,

I think we may be on the right track,

But these butterflies are going way too fast.

We ain't connected, cut the strings,

We ain't connected through silly old things,

If life is a highway, we need to crash,

To stop the pain or else it will last,

'Cos even butterflies have their stings."

I sang that whole thing while playing on the smooth wooden red-coloured guitar. It felt so natural amongst all the unnatural in my world now. I placed it down where it was and turned to leave the room. I saw Jensen and Jared standing in the doorway grinning like maniacs. Jared held a phone to his ear as Jensen just looked at me with pride. If the ground could swallow me up right now I'd only accept it on the condition that I'd never have to see Jensen again.

"Yeah, that was her…" Jared said in the phone. "I'm telling you, I _just_ saw it with my own two eyes… Yeah, I will. Thanks ma, love you. See you soon." Jared said before hanging up.

"Well?" Jensen asked, turning to face him.

"No qualms about it. She's in." Jared answered. I shook my head.

"No thanks." I said. Their faces fell.

"Well… maybe you'd change your mind if you heard a bit more about the school." Jensen suggested carefully.

"I already said no." I repeated with finality in my tone.

"Luna, it's one of the best schools in the state." Jared said.

"Well I'm not interested in some elitist school with stuck up people. I'm not interested in going to a school okay? I'm done. I'm done with school." I said. I walked out of the room getting pretty emotional again.

It's not even that school was that bad or that people were horrible. It's just that I was a nobody. I don't want to go through sitting on my own every lunchtime and having to talk to the teachers if there was literally nothing for me to do. The only thing people wanted to talk to me for were song requests. I was sick of being everybody's jukebox so I would tell people to piss off. They all thought I was just an angry kid – which to be fair, I was, - but more than that I wanted to have an actual friend who liked me for me and not for my voice.

I ended up in my room where I sat on my bed and began twiddling my thumbs. Even though my door was open, Jared had the bright idea of knocking on it.

"Can I come in?" He asked. I nodded my head, accepting his request. He sat on one of the chairs opposite me. "So, why do you hate school?" He asked.

"Is this a serious question? Are you actually asking why a teenage girl hates school?" I asked, kind of jokingly. I didn't hate Jared… _yet._ I just feel like he wasn't being annoying and I didn't have any reason to be against him. He gave a slight chuckle at my feeble attempt at humour and nodded his head.

"Yeah, okay. Good point. But nobody hates it _that_ much. I hated doing the work. That's something everyone hates doing. But I loved hanging out with my buds during free periods." He said.

"Well I had no friends. Nobody was particularly horrible to me. I just didn't have anyone who was friendly to me." I answered. He looked down.

"Oh."

"And I don't want it to be the same at a different school, and I don't want to be everyone's person radio station, and I don't want to be Jensen's daughter, and I don't…" I started. Luckily Jared saved me from rambling.

"Whoa, wait a second – you _don't_ wanna be Jensen's daughter?" He asked, genuinely wondering if he heard me right. I nodded my head.

"Yeah. I don't want to either be known as his daughter or be his actual daughter." I confessed.

"But Jensen's one of the best guys I've ever known. And I know that must sound really repetitive right now, but oh my god, Luna! You have no idea who he is, do you?" He asked.

"Yeah, he's on Supernatural. He's a bigshot." I said. He shook his head.

"No, I know you know _that_. I mean you don't have a clue who he really is as a person. You just refuse to give him a shot. Tell you what, if you start school next week, I can guarantee you Jensen will do something amazing for you." He told me.

"No offence, because I know you've known him for over a decade, but what makes you so sure?" He asked.

"Because he cares about everyone. Especially the people he loves." Jared told me. I guess it's time to start trusting people.


End file.
